Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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