Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
