Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
