I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
