Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
