i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish life had little blips of pornography
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
