My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
