My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
