By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
