I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
