boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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