they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
