The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
