I cockslap morals
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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