im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
