She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
