I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
