did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
