His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
