I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
