What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
