Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
