Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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