I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
