I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
