lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
