How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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