I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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