That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You made out with two different species that night
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
