My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
