there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
