i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Someone signed my nipple.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
