you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
