Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
