So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
