mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
