fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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