bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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