does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
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