I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
