i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
