i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
