addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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