I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
