can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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