The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
