Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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