is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
