this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
