hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Everyone says I win the strip club
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
