My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
