i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
